Colin, Stage IV and Chemo and being tired

by Jon Imondi  - April 2, 2024

Colin, Stage IV and Chemo and being tired 😴 ❤️‍🩹

Update on Cancer Journey

I’ve been receiving a few messages over the last couple of days checking in with me so I wanted to offer an update on my life with Cancer and without Colin ❤️‍🩹

Diagnosis and Stage

I saw my surgeon last week who told me I had a 'T4A and T4B N2A tumour'. Bottom line this means that my cancer is stage 4, Colin had permeated through my Colon lining and that out of the 29 surrounding lymph nodes that they removed, 5 in the local area had been blessed with Colin's touch.

It had started to spread 😢. He also told me that I have Lynch Syndrome. (Google it). It’s not a cool syndrome. It’s a bastard. Like cancer which is also a bit of a bastard. 🤔

Treatment Decision and Uncertainty

The good news however is that as far as we can tell the cancer is no more as the surgery sliced it all out. BUUUUUUUT! And it’s a big but as I’m young and my cancer was of the T4 A/B variety they are strongly recommending I take 6 months worth of chemo 🤢.

I say strongly recommend as when I turned to him and said “I’m not sure if I’ll take the Chemo” he looked at me like we were in a good old fashioned western “pistols at dawn” type situation.

I’m pretty sure he wanted to say “if you don’t have chemo then you’re fucked!” But he didn’t and very much couldn’t. Does that mean I won the standoff 😅.

Weighing the Options

So a bit of detail is required here. They want to blast me with chemo because of the staging and because they can’t rule out the possibility that there is some cancerous naughtiness lurking microscopically in my cells.

I’m basically deciding if I want to take drugs that have serious side effects, will destroy my body’s natural immunity and make me vulnerable to every other bastard thing out there for some cancerous cells that may or may not be present in my body.

It feels heavy!

It feels like another decision I don’t want to make.

Emotional and Physical Exhaustion

I’m tired of making decisions. I’m tired of giving blood and the nurses struggling to find a vein.

I’m tired of appointments and I’m tired of doubting myself and my decision-making abilities.

I’m tired of thinking about my career and all the stats that tell me if I get secondary cancer I’m a goner.

I’m tired of reading and consuming everything I can on nutrition for cancer and it being dismissed like unicorns 🦄.

I’m tired of thinking how OK I am in the day about all this and then questioning “but am I really OK?”.

I’m tired ❤️‍🩹

Conclusion and Gratitude

Maybe for some reading this chemo is the obvious choice and yes, for many it is the obvious choice. But I’m struggling with this decision. It scares me more than the surgery.

Chemo is horrific and indiscriminate and everything I’ve read over the last few months makes me believe that for where I am, my tumorless body will be better off with really powerful antioxidants and incredible nutrition.

Certainly a controversial opinion but that’s me, a rebel with a cause to live ❤️‍🩹.

Cancer isn’t just cancer. It’s not just a surgery or chemo and that’s it. It’s appointment after appointment. Conversation after conversation and thinking on top of thinking followed by agonizing doubt.

Big love to you all and for your continued support ❤️

P.s I’m OK. I really am and that in itself is OK.

I’m not complaining and would like to acknowledge that the NHS is incredible and deserves to be supported and saved. I’m just … tired 🙏

P.p.s I’m sorry for the long post but it helps me and hopefully you. 

P.p.p.s Love you all ❤️❤️‍🩹❤️ 😘


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Cancer, Chemo and Decisions

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