Cancer, Chemo and Decisions

by Jon Imondi  - April 2, 2024

❤️‍🩹 Cancer, Chemo and Decisions ❤️‍🩹


Introduction

[EDIT: I was going to send this yesterday but didn’t because I’m due another meeting with my oncologist. Apparently as I have Lynch the suggested chemo (according to recent research) would be useless.

So I would’ve taken it for … no reason 🤔. The plot thickens and the suggestion now would be vigorous surveillance … of my rectum 😅. But I still want to post this as it was how I was feeling and want to remain unedited]

Setting the Scene

As I write this I’m sat outside a Costa at 09:30 having just left the sperm bank to deposit a “sample”. This is the second time this week I’ve been. It’s like a jolly day out for me.

Maybe I’m guilty of over sharing here or maybe I’m wanting people to understand that chemotherapy is no straightforward decision. It may seem like it and for many it is but for me .. it ain’t and hasn’t been.

The Complexity of Chemotherapy

Chemo is a carcinogenic. Let’s not sugar coat it. Taking chemo is like me asking you to go and take a dive in an asbestos filled swimming pool whilst drinking a delightful beverage made from arsenic and aspartame (please stop consuming that stuff) ❤️‍🩹.

But all this under the guise that it will help me and my battle with cancer. But I digress, why was I at the sperm bank? Well total shocker chemo can make you infertile. Imagine that?! I think my sarcasm detector is peaking 😅.

I mean that is one of many possible side affects. And I say “possible” as some people coast through chemo without even a hint of troubles and I plan to be one of those too. Surprisingly (not sure if I’m being sarcastic here or not) but you can do things to help your body assist the chemo and not have it give you heart, liver and kidney failure with a dose of brain damage 😅.

Ya see Chemo appears to be a VERY loaded topic. Especially amongst, well … most people. Cancer survivors, surgeons, nurses, oncologists and everyone in between.

Making Personal Choices

My decision and it is MY decision is to take the tablet for 3-6 months (Capecitabine) but not take the other drug that was recommended which is administered via IV.

I’ve been asked to explain my decision so many times that I’ve now realized something pretty powerful ….…..…..

I DON’T FUCKING HAVE TO 😡

Yesterday I was hit with what felt like an overwhelming wave (and yes I accept I was triggered) of opinions and suggestions.

 Cancer patients seem to be ruled by fear pf their diagnosis and I get that and I would NEVER take that fear away from them but I (and many others) are not them. Pity and sympathy are not welcome but in place we crave compassion, understanding and empathy.

I’m ruled by my heart and my heart has been like a torch guiding me in what quite frankly is like being in a dense forest, in a designated dark sky area (very dark) with a new moon 🌚 (makes it even darker, on a cloudy night (even darker) and filled with big holes that have been dug by flesh-hungry badgers who have a penchant for cancer folk.

My heart (and this may sound odd) has been the beacon that when I’m surrounded by conflicting information and opinions is the one thing that will always tell me the truth.

And I have to trust that literally for my own survival.

Conclusion

So here we are. Maybe a ranty post! Maybe a sarcastic post! But I hope you see that it is as authentic as I can be and need to be. I’ve learned that we’re all made of the same stuff but all tackle and approach life-changing circumstances differently.

People care, you and everyone have proved that to me but ultimately you can’t get my world as much as I can’t get yours. We can only listen to one another. To their fears, their hopes, their dreams. Listening with no agenda, with no opinion, with no judgment is perhaps the singularly most powerful thing we can do with and for another person.

I write this literally with a heart filled with love. Love for those of you who are happy, sad, struggling, vulnerable, afraid, joyous, peaceful and everything in between. Perhaps the beauty of life is that it’s impermanent ❤️‍🩹

As always,

big love, Jon ❤️🧡🙏

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